Phoebe4's Journal

Ok, Ok - why am I so nervous to write this entry? Why am I worried that my thoughts will be revealed. Perhaps because I for many years it was so difficult to be true to myself on paper, that using this new media is bringing back the same anxieties as before.

So now where to start? I had a really good conversations with one of my oldest and closest friends tonight.While his words sometimescome out completely differently that what his mind is saying, once you can figure his point out, he actually has some profound things to say. I think one of the things that I like the most about our relationship is that we know each other so well, and so deeply that we can really get to the core of things. What I mean is that there is very little left to reveal to each other and we know enough to make it dangerous. He will completely call me on my BS- an vice versa. He is helping me to make some difficult decisions in my life right now- whether he knows he is playing that important of a role or not.

What's truth is that my living condition is less than desireable, and it is time to be on my own. I had specific goals to accomplish by moving in with family for the last few years: financial freedom, surgery, travel, and school. I have accomplished all of them (wow- in 4 years??it sounds weird to say it out loud- or actually to write it out loud), But being 30 years old in my position means time to move on. I need a new job. Period. I am looking to relocate to the south. I have been sending my resume out like a mad woman, but it has only been for the last 2 weeks and I am so impatient- I want something to happen NOW. My friend (mentioned above) tells me that my number one fault- or area to work on is my patience. I can't disagree. When I want something- I am so driven to get it that I make it happen. The problem lies within having goals that depend on other people, people I cannot control.

More later....