Today is thursday not much going on after all it is still early. I spent the latter portion of yesterday with J of course it was ok.� Omg it was better than ok! Something is transpiring btwn us that I cannot adequatley define. Of course I have been sexually attracted to� a number of men, so Im aware that this isnt the case with him. Not that I aint feelin him lik this. But its something deeper, than just desiring to sex him. I want him, want to be consumed by him. Yesterday while laying on the couch at his daughter house, he feel asleep. This gave me the opportunity to get a real good look at him. He appeared so relax, his defenses were down couldnt �resist had to rub his chest!.
I am going to do this right this time. no sabotage. Kind of like the trust game I enjoying playing with him: he holds my hands firmly as� close my eyes and let my self go. That is what Im going to do allow myself to fall (in love)and pray he is there� to support me. I'd like� 2 experience things with J that� I normally would make a speedy exodus from. I got to thank Greg for giving me sound advice. He suggested I tell whomever I dating upfront about�my intent�2�sabotage potentially healthy relationships.
The first few times we kissed were guarded, neither one of us were going to come out of hiding. They were safe, pecks no fire works, going off. Now when we lock lips my pulse beat fasters, my head spins, I become dizzy, as well as childlike. I smile,�giggle like a teenager with a crush. Prior to him walking home we did our usual routine: kissed each other goodbye. It ws so passionate I had to grab the porch rail to steady myself.
Often times I crave closeness,just� want him in my space..
I was supposed to meet him halfway, but of course Iam bad @ directions,we missed each other. However when I finally arrived home he was on the porch chatting with Isaiah.� Because J wasLooking like mekhi pheiffer�Fresh haircut, smelling so good, wearing his arrogance wears like a badge of honor, . I found it difficult to remain angry��@� him� for the wild goose chase he sent me on.
���once� he made a jokeabout it being our one week anniversary and� having cupcakes to celebrate. I suprised him with a cupcake and one candle for the one week we've been together. he was chatting with someone so when he turned around� he eyes lit up, and a� childlike grin spread across his face.
Every� since we've met we have been "inseperable" to quote him. Dont want to smother him, I get it that men need space. This doesnt prevent� the aching,� longing,whirling sensation from overtaking me.
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