How did i forget to mention that yesterday zay pissed me off, by sneaking someone into our home. I feel this was disrespectful as well as tacky on her part. If her baby daddy is so into her, then why cant he take her to a hotel. Or how about providing for them a place to live? It is evident to him that I dont care for him, his motive is so transparent to me? Does she refuse to see his agenda, or is blinded by her own selfish desires.
Wow I didnt mean to put bullets here but oh well, its a couple hours away from "venting time". I have been thinking about the "bishop". Mundane things like what is his favorite past time. What is he like outside of church, does he possess a personality? Or is he stiff like a starched shirt. I have his number but I havent called him since we spoke earlier this week. My reasoning for doing so is that if he� is into me then it will be him pursuing me and not vice versa. Iam not thirsty nor am I desperate. Not looking for anything other than friendly conversation@ this point. Relationships take a toll on me,they keep my mind churning with what ifs. I need to take some time out for me, I have been neglecting me for so long that I dont know how to take care of me. I actually feel guilty if or when I do something for myself. I dont eat properly, children hovering over me when I do manage to get a� bite of food turns me off.�Have �not sleep well, I have� alot of stuff on my mind these days. Such as school and conquering many fears.
I recongize my need to control is derived from fear, fear of the unknown, change...... I have to make some changes as suggested to me.
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