Nodeadenz

not much is happening this morning, didnt sleep well x.e. had her legs and arms all over me. I still feel tired and dj is up to his normal shit nothing. always off task. thinking of him, missing "him" his bday is tomorrow.Want him bad, am feeling nervous. Alot of what ifs are playing in my mind. Iam trying to maintain a positve attitude about this situation. Counting down the days til we are together and Iam were I want to be, which is with him in his arms, kissing him touching him and putting this fire on him lol. Iam ready,� now I have somethings to work on like my temper which is off the chart. I need to work on effectivley communicating without getting stank and cursing like a damn fool. Hope Iam not addicted to raging as phylicia eluded to. Iam scared, nervous and excited.! I kind of feel as if I only have one shot to get this right. I have to put my trust in a source that is greater than I on this one. I have prayed and find great solace in doing so. Prayer calms me down and quiets the voices in my head! I aint crazy or nothing but I have a lot of negative thoughts @times. I dont know what to expect, this is different for me I usually can predict the outcome.� He says he has a suprise for me tried to weasel it out of him didnt work.

Talk to my ex husband� this morning and realized how much he is the same. I feel sorry for him. I wanted to talk to him about Isaiah but didnt. Because�the outcome wont change. He will burn in hell�b4 he admits the truth. I guess he thinks he is hurting me. Not so. he is just making an ass of himself and when david grows up and finds out..... I feel sorry for Ivan. David is a great kid, with a ever growing brilliant mind! He'll be doing like Shaq's father, but its going to be to late. He claims to still love me, but�how can this be true when he doesnt love his only child. It hurts me when he talks about how well he is doing and the things he's doing with other people but doesnt have time to allocate to his only child.�There is no place for david in his life, but hey a sista cant stay here. He is our past I refuse 2 live in the past, he is who is and Iam powerless� over this shit. Gotta keep it movin, roll with the punches.