I wish daymon� and Eli would understand that although Iam kind to them, I am not interested in them. Daymon� called me the other day saying he was stranded and could I wire him some money. What the fuck was he thinking? He is always asking me to do something for him. And Eli has to be told constantly, that Iam not going to be chilling in his bed. Every other week he claims he wants to marry me, it is a game I refuse to participate in. His dick is wee small. He is the one who told me a man would'nt �find me� desirable as a wife because I refuse to be responsible for their happiness. In addittion to the fact that I dont want to be suffocated by their prescence. But oh so wrong he is and have proof. Havent told him about .....� he'd try sour my hopes by saying something negative. Like he isnt in love with me it is just sex. When I do get married again, I want to invite Daymon Eli, curtis and a host of others who wounded me a front row seat to my wedding. So they can all see that loving me is possible. Not because I said so but because God has said it is.
I truly sense a longing for him, God please let me be right about this one. I dont want to be disappointed. He's ignorant to the fact that I will do anything to create a healthy loving environment.� As long as his request are reasonable, accommodating them� arent an issue.� I look forward to being his wife, confidant, lover also so much more. We pretty much have an understanding about expectations. He made it� transparent what kind of wife he wants. My only concerns is the time he allocates to ministry leaves me vying for his attention. Selfish? yep!
We may have some problems with communication but other than that its all good. Wish were closer, probably best we arent though. Going to take things extra slow, no misteps this time around. We have so much in common, cant fathom how I fell for a jesus freak. My affections are reserved for him alone.� Slowly the walls that prevented me from experiencing�happiness �are coming down. I am allowing him� to see into me.This a reference to the hidden part of me, no more holding back. To an extent I trust him. I keep hearing him say to me "beth I love you"..... smacked myself thought I was still sleep.� He wouldnt repeat the statement, its all good though.
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