We got into a nasty fight over the phone last night. It all started with personal questions and ended with me questioning why ? And whether I should make a speedy exodus. I� believe that us being going away together alone is� dangerous! I tried to� explain prior that one Iam a rape survivor and 2 dont want to be put in a put position that Iam not in control.�� I� refuse to put either of us in a� vulnerable situation. I was getting the impression he was like the rest�,pursuing sex so I asked him directly. Of course he was pissed, I went the passive agressive route. But I was seething with rage. I cried, hoping he didnt hear me but sure he did. He hurt me deeply,. damn!� We ended the conversation abruptly solving nothing at all. Didnt sleep good last night, hate going to sleep with unresolved issues. The phone rang, (early� this morning) answered�and it was him. We talked ,he apologized for being tacky and bruising me.� I dont like conflict, considered walking away without a backward glance. But I cant keep doing that, it is unhealthy to run from myself. Iam proud of myself for not going off and saying things I would regret later. He shocked me this morning when he said that he loves me, (not falling in love with me), he wants me and needs us in his life. We've agreed to disagree versus letting things�simmer.
Earlier yesterday� before shit hit the fan I communicated to him that I am appreciative to have encountered him even though it was in an unlikley place (church).unbeknownst to me he came to look for me,�after service�but I was long gone�.� He revealed that when he first laid eyes on me� that he too felt a connection. This is good because it lets me know that Iam not crazy. It wasnt love on sight yet something�we cant characterize.�Actually what he said was when he saw me he� thought � (to himself)he wanted to spend a lifetime, energies and resources with that woman.� Im so thankful he found me and didnt approach with the usual crap ministers beat me over the head with; god showed me your my wife.
I love him but love god more and will not� doing anything contrary, pleased with the stance�I took.there's nothing to regret.. Were clearly attracted to each other, he told me he fell asleep talking to me but holding his pillow wishing it was me. That is so touching! Have had many thoughts of laying in his arms with my head on his bare chest.
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