Today I� want to really hurt my son daniel he really irks my nerves. I just want to fucking slap the shit out of his ass. I cant cope with, this bullshit. I just cant see myself going through life like this. I am going off the deep end, feeling like checking out. I� cant do this anymore,this is not the life I envisioned for myself. When if ever Iam going to find some freakin� release. My house is torn down, my daughter is driving my crazy with nonsense. Anger mangement is what I need right now I dont even know if that will cure what ails me. Too much shit to do� and not enough of me to go around. Daymon made it a point to take me and the kids to church, why I dont know.� Hope this isnt his way of trying to get close to me cause, I am not into him at all, we can chat on the phone but prefer not. Nothing there at all he blew his chance(s) with me. Perhaps it is best that I continue to do what I do. Talked� to darien recently damn he is so fine. But beyond that there is nothing there we have tried over the years to get something going on and nothing ever happens.
�I started crying ealier when I was talking to someone on the phone� I cant cope with my undisciplined kids and their bullshit. When they start talking about their fathers I want to scream they aint shit and dont want shit to do with you. I m supposed to make all the sacrifices, make it happen for them and then get treated like shit in the end. Every thing I do is never enough, my kids are like fucking leaches. Daniel just tried to play me, he has been cleaning since before I went to church and now he gone say that shit is clean. Well I just helped him out! Everything that was on the table is now on the floor . I will break his damn neck, Iam tired of dealing with him, he always be saying shit under his breath. I will choke his his high yellow ass out just to prove a point to him. He gone say last night his father dont call him a mother fucka, he right he doesnt. then again his father dont say shit, cause he dont give a damn about him. If he did then he pay his childsupport consistently. Iam not about to beg him to do a fuckin thing. I wont give him the satisfaction!
And my sister's kids are off the hinges and lazy as hell, they break my kids toys and dont give a damn. her daughter ripped my daughter's present open out of jealousy, then she through her hair beads on the floor out of shear jealousy. Isaiah is about to talk himself into a killing. He just keep talking that bullshit in my ear and Iam going to get up and set his ass ablaze.
Iam really considering checking the fuck out, perhaps while their in school. I regret having them almost daily. Right now I hate them. Hate them for simply breathing. Iam spent I have nothing left to give. When its time for them to come home from school, I am filled with dread and pissed. From now on Iam not going to hold back and then explode. Iam going to go crazy on their ass as soon as they get out of line.
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