Let me start by saying Eli is a jerk!� Why is he stil in my life I dont know, all he does is complain about me my lifestyle my children, my home the list of complaints is infinte. He had the gall to ask me for the millionth� time to marry him. He shouldnt take himself seriously, I dont! I told randy that we werent compatible. which were not , He's into parties and hanging out. Iam beyond that, I have responsibilties obligations as well as very little time to waste. When he told me how he did his kids, that solidified his fate with me. A man that� scurry's like a shrew from his obligations isnt� worth of my attention. He said he paid one his children's mom 25 dollars a week when he� earns over a thousand.� Randy proceeded to tell me that his sons get ssi checks plus, they dont call him so he doesnt reciprocate. At the end of this converstation he proudly stated his baby mama is white like he just won the fucking lottery! Men are amazingly stupid. He said in such a tone that would give one the impression that black women are inferior. We concur that we dont have anything in common so at the end of the conversation I abruptly said goodbye with such finality in my voice it stunned him.
Daymon called me the other day, I went to see him.� We talked about much of nothing. He was all over me like flies on shit.� For the most part I didnt mind him hugging / squeezing, fondling� or laying in his arms. He got a bit�aggresive to the point I began to cry pondering whether he was going to rape me. I actually started to call Walt and tell him about this, decided not to fearing he would say what replays in my mind almost daily: I deserve to be treated in a direspectful manner due to the fact that Iam beautiful as well as nice. I talked to Daymon about this in minute detail, he claimed to have understood my tears. Although I am attracted to hiim, I never touched him back. Even when he� tried to place my hand(s) on his gentials. He came into the room without his shirt on,omg! I couldnt look @him directly. His pushy behavior is not only scary but a turn off. He says he has not been with a woman almost a 1.5yrs.� I dont believe him, nor was I going to give him something to run and tell larry. Am I the hunted being hunted Idk? Daymon was on me like flies on shit. What Iam going to reveal next is going to be fucked up, oh well. While with Daymon my mind wandered to walt. Things like what he is doing, who is he doing came to mind. We arent in a relationship so this thought pattern is inappropriate. But hey it is what it is.
I cursed Walt out earlier today out of sheer frustration.� He hung up on me-no suprise there.� His jobs doesnt allow him to spend much time doing anything else including spending time with me. Later I apologized for my behavior. Something has changed between us.� It is not something drastic,nor can I define it. I can't recall when things�flipped. Maybe it was the time he kissed me and put the cocoa butter on my stomach and knee for me.� Or perhaps it was recently when he kidnapped me, took me to his house. Following him upstairs to his room, (which was� a little junky) I became nervous. He didnt pounce on me like Daymon or try to hold� me down which daymon did when I tried to get off of him. We did get better aqauainted, we kissed hugged the usual stuff (no digging or trying to pull my pants off). I am quite reserved when it comes to touching someone for the first time. Iam unsure where I should put my hands. I feel clusmy plus awkward in these situations. Yesterday I made dinner for everyone inculding David's playmate. I made Walt a plate too, unaware that spaggetti was his favorite dish. He got off work around 12, well around 1 thirty he called singing praises. I like a man who appreciates the small things that I� do for them.� Initially I was not attracted to him, I aint even gone lie about it! I had some preconcieved�ideas about who he was. Now� hmm, hate to admit it but he is a good dude. I dont like to be wrong which he has proved� so far. When I see him I see myself. He is affectionate, insouciant ,down to earth and loves to laugh. Who wouldnt be drawn, sucked in by a man who is a gentle giant.? I like to be treated well, this what he gives me. I smile when he kisses me� or smacks me on my ass, its as if he doenst care who is looking. His attitude is so what. Bold very Bold. When I told walt it was inappropriate to kiss� in front of his clients he asked then why did I . My response was because I like it and I dont do anything I dont like. He laughed at my brazen honesty.
Walt told me he has a friend but says there isnt much too it. This makes me wanna kick rocks,now dont get it twisted Im clearly feeling him. The issue is I dont want to be hurt or disappointed again. Iam not going to played for fool. Never before has he mentioned this friend, so its likely he is being truthful.
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