Not sure where to start, John and I have spent quality time together. Thought things were going well in a good direction and then wham. We recently went to a hotel to get away, it was wonderful, he fucked the shit out of me. wonderful and bout freakin time, needed something different from the monotonous routine. I actually opened up not only sexually but on an emotional level. The day before father's day he came over drunk but I didnt trip. He snored most of the night so I got up and went to my favorite place the couch of course. Was a bit restless so I made him breakfast in bed he didnt eat much, however I think he appreciated the guesture. last time I saw him it was hard for me to see him leaving as always. he hugged me and said he wanted to work things out. Great one would think, we left the house and bumped into his sister who tried to fight me over some dumb shit. I have never liked his people's, simply tolerated them. Her interference has me questioning whether I want to remained connected to him.� God knows I love my husband, but all the crap and outside opinions are wearing me down. I cry when were together, I cry when were apart. I hate him and love him in the same breath. I recall how close we use to be, shit is so strained right now. Not sure what to do @ this point, I look @ other couples and think damn that should be us. I yearn for the times of old, when he would comfort me, hold me, assure all is well. Now I rarely see him or speak to him. What am I suppose to do, what Iam holding onto, after all he hasnt made any promises.�� Iam tempted often to pursue other relationships, that wouldnt be cheating would it. After all were not together, I say this but know I couldnt go through with it. Tony someone from my past tried to rekindle what we had but I couldnt do it. He claims hes changed doubt it. The sex between us was always� passionate/intense. NO complaints in that area, its just that he isnt my husband! Dont want to be with him thinking about john....that would be messed up. I have needs that are beyond of the scope of sex or fucking, so I cant be with tony. As far as me being with someone else I am not ready emotionally. I would like to be able to but am scared of letting go of the one person who claims to love� me no matter what. I am all fucked up in the head. I need answers like yesterday!� Most nights I toss and turn conjuring up thoughts of us in a happier state, or simply wishing I knew� how to articulate my most hidden thought/desires to him. Perhaps one day, but for now I will continue to struggle through this.
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