A month ago I woke up and my word came to a shattering hault as i looded upon the face of a breathless 6 month old baby girl.� Once so full of life, and movement, I saw only stillness.� Then came the panic, the fear, the saddness and anger all crashing down one me.� It is so strange, after a flood of almost every single emotion, to not feel any joy at all.� In fact, I cannot fathom joy.� Only pain, and lonliness.