I was diagnosed with PMDD about two weeks ago. I found out after almost ending my marriage and after losing my job.� It has been a long road and I am just beginning.� My husband has been patient but it hasn't always been that way. My mood swings were so bad that he hated my 23 out of the 24 hours and I was probably asleep the hour he didnt hate me. I know hate is a strong word but I was really really bad. I could start crying for no reason or for reasons only I understood. I felt like I was losing my mind and wanted to sleep the day away because my mind would run away from reality. I have�a medication phobia so anything I take I worry about the side effects and am always checking my pulse.� I hate the way I feel during these times because I end up having an anxiety attack because of my fears. I live in fear 90% of the time and the rest of the time I am trying to convince myself that there is nothing to be afaid of. This is my life everyday all day. Trying to be a happy wife when you are not happy with your life is very hard. YOu try to put on a happy face for everyone around you but inside you are doing everything you can to not cry or scream at everything that you dont like.� I have turned to God to help me through it all even though I dont fully know if I actually believe in God himself. I hate even feeling this way but I am trying my best to be honest. When I was younger I would write in journals and it would help get a lot of the anger and fears out in the open even though the only eyes that saw the words were my own.� This is my therapy now so that I dont have to depend on medicine. I also use meditation and controlled breathing to get me through the ruff times. I am also working on my diet just to cut out things like lots of�sodas and salt. Well for now I will end this but be sure that more will come and it wont always be so pleasent.
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