travelcityman's Journal

Feb 2007
1:40 AM PST

Feb 3, 2007 - Moving Out. Have just been asked to move my clothes out of the bedroom into the guest room. Done.

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Feb 2007
1:06 PM PST

Feb 2, 2007 - The pain continues. I had surgery today. The physical consequences of my actions are gone for now. This will be the first of many treatments. The emotional consequences are just beginning. I have moved into the guest room. We talked some last night. Both of us were able to voice in a rational way our feelings. This is the first time in 13 years that this has happened. I am not sure if it will happen again. There has been no communication today.

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Feb 2007
12:44 PM PST

Feb 1, 2007 – The beginning of the end. Today I admitted to my partner of 13 years that I have had several affairs. This has been a very long night. It is my intent to start this journal as a healing process for myself. I have never been one to be able to voice my feelings or my thoughts. I now need a place to explain the how’s and why’s of what I did so that I can start sorting it out. I know that I will be judged and I accept that but just because some judges me it does not mean that I will accept that judgment. I am hoping that this will be a healing process for me and if I can in anyway help others by what I write then that is a bonus. For sake of confidentiality through out this journal I will be known as Max and my partner as Pat. These are not are real names. Why did I choose today, three days after our 13 anniversary to admit to Pat that I had strayed? Earlier in the day I had been diagnosed with genital warts. This was one time that I was not going to be able to manipulate the situation and cover my tracks. I knew that the time was up and that I had to own up to what I had done. I had to own it. Thinking back to the first time that I was unfaithful I should have taken the hints that the universe was sending. I should point out that this first time I was not the first time I was unfaithful but just the first time I was in person. There had been many online chat room meetings which I will discuss at a later time. It was in our 4th or 5th year together and my Pat had made plans to go assist a fellow worker with shopping for home furnishings. This venture out was very rare for him. He has never been one to go out boldly by himself. A very shy person who is deathly afraid of rejection in any form, he is paralyzed by the thought of even the thought of asking. Plans had been made and I encouraged him to go. The reason was I wanted him to go out and experience what it was like to do things without me. But in thinking back I am sure that I had in the back of my head what I wanted to do. I had been researching porn bookstores in the area and found one that had video booths. As I set him on his way I knew in my mind what I was going to do and without regard to him or myself I did it. I drove to the video store and I entered. It took a few moments to figure out what the unspoken protocol was. After cashing in dollars for tokens I headed to the back. I soon found myself in a booth with another person. A young Mexican who invited me in to share his booth and I excitedly had unprotected sex with. I was the receiver and he was the giver. I was amazed at myself that once it was done there was no feeling of guilt as I thought there would be. I was able to greet Pat at the door and ask how his day was and never let on what I had done. Two weeks to the day while relieving myself I noticed a slight burning sensation at first. Panic set in. What was I going to do? How was I going to fix this with out anyone finding out? At the end of our street was a health clinic. I had some extra time so I made arrangements to take the afternoon off. This was hard because both Pat and I worked for the same small company. But I was able to. I was examined. I was told that most likely it was gonorrhea. A test was done but I also was given a pre scription for antibiotic that I was to take for 7 days. I went home and started taking the medication right away. I had to do some manipulating of our sex life as I did not want Pat to catch anything. Each and every time he mentioned an ache or pain, which was and still is often, I panicked inside. My outward composure was flawless. After the 7 days the medication was complete I was cured and I was able not to pass this along to Pat. If I had listened to the universe telling me that if you do this type of activity then there are consequences. I did not listen.

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travelcityman's Profile

Username: travelcityman

Gender / Age: Male, 61

Location: USA - California