smb's Journal

 
    
21
Oct 2006
6:21 AM MST
   

Doesn't seem like it has been since Tues. that I last wrote! Been busy and not a whole lot to "vent" about. Lets see, CN and I are talking every night, but NOT saying 143. I am trying to "just be friends" and he is very upset about not getting to see us and wants everything back to normal. It sounds like he's started venting to his friends and they don't sound too pleased with me but oh well,,, don't really care what they think. He will probably come over for church and an afternoon with ME. mom P might come watch the boys. I have been pretty emotional. I keep thinking and replaying the day DB died... and how rude I was to him on the phone right before he died and how I'd give anything (except my boys' lives) to back up and be given a second chance to say "I LOVE YOU" I am hurting so bad, and miss him so bad! I've been crying a lot more and just want to be "healed" and "better" and "over it" but I Know it doesn't work that way! POOF, wish I had a magic wand! Found out about his life insurance (private entry). I am VERY emotional about that all right now. We didn't go to FT collins,,, will go next weekend when the weather is better, it has been snowy, blowy and cold! SO, I am glad I got to go to the Christian woman's fellowship thing at GBC... it was really fun and nice to "get away" but I almost cried like 5 times. Last night I talked to Jill for an hour and half and that was great! It might seem like she isn't "there for me" but she is,,, just a phone call away, hey what are best friends for!? and she is just that! I am so grateful for my friends! What a blessing, it just sucks that I have to swallow my pride and call them first but when I do they are always "there for me" Not getting much sleep, I talked to CN last night until 12:20 and then O woke me up at 6:20 and I never really got to go back to sleep after that! OH, my knees are hurting me,,, I don't want to have to go in but I know i need to have them looked at, they are just getting worse, specially my left!
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smb's Profile

  • Username: smb
  • Gender / Age: Female, 49
  • Location: USA - Wyoming
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