(Friday night)
I am reading "Smart Love" by Dr. Phil. The first part made me "deal with" who I am and my issues! and then what I want in a man! My issues stuff made me really think about the stem of my ANGER! So, Friday night after I got done reading some Dr. Phil I tried to go to sleep but for the first time in a LONGGGGG time I felt Donnie's presence. I started talking to him. I cried, as I told him he has hurt me so bad,,, and yes, I admitted my wrong-doingsand thenbegged for forgiveness. I was forthcomingthat I was an awful wife at times and I wasn't very helpful or supportive when it came to his addiction. I explained howI grew more and more bitter as the addiction mess got messier! As I was still crying and almost yelling, I told him of how DAMN angry I was and still am that he lied so much to me I probably don't even know the half of it!!!It felt like he was listening so I kept talking,,, Itold as things started to spiral out of control and I could see I had no control over anything my anger grew stronger. Then I was quiet for a bit,,, (if someone would have been there they would've thought I was going crazy!!)because then the next thing I know that came out of my mouth with gops of tears was "I KNOW you LOVE(D) me Donnie! I love you too!" THen I just asked him to set me free!Finally, I prayed and askedJesus to take care of my Buzz, who I love so dearly and always will! Then Ithanked God for this "healing" and to please help me to continue to deal with it and keephealing in a healthy way.
Can't believe it has been almost 2 years and here I am finally "trying to deal with my Donnie issues!" Guess Cory helped distract me for a year and a half!
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