My day started out okay. I slept in (after getting woke up at 6:30) and got the boys to Janes a little after 9. I went out to work,,, had a nice chat with Melis. She sounds good and Maddy is GREAT,,, she's off her meds and oxygen and just seems pretty normal. Melis is very happy and feels so blessed by the Lord! That is awesome!
I got some work done and then I went to the bank to get $ to pay for my rootcanal/crown and other "house stuff" then I worked out. I've done a great job with my eating today...in fact since I lowered my calories so much I got feeling sick after I worked out. I needed that protein shake pretty bad today!I also sat in thesteam sauna with "Beauty From Pain" playing in my ears... I am So super emotional right now! Then I went out to see Terry and the baby (Treyton). He made me miss "baby stuff" he was so cute. I gave her the hamb. cassrole, she didn't seem to care that I "messed it up" . She was just grateful to have supper and not have to "do it"!
I did pretty good this morning but this evening I have been missing CN sssooooo much! I've cried and damn, I just want him back! What was I thinking, how can two people break up, not talk and just act like "its over" when they still loved eachother. NOTHING bad happened, no one cheated, I didn't get beat or lied to!!! So, he's a cheap skate who struggles with communication and passion! So what! I wish so bad the Lord would step in and send me a sign. Like why can't He just call me on the phone and say, "Stacey, I want/don't want you to be with Cory!" I'd do what He said if he just told me but he isn't making anything clear!
OH, I miss him and want him back! I am tired and depressed and tired of feeling like (emotionally) crap! It could be worse,,, I gotta think, it could always be worse. I wish I new what Cory wanted. He doesn't seem to know either,,, when I texted him about this he said, he isn't enjoying "being single" but said we just need TIME to sort it all out! Meanwhile this TIME is making me an emotional, depressed bundle of sadness!
I wonder if I just be patient someone else, someone better, more right for me will come along,,, and same for CN too... BUT right now, all I can see is I am ALONE and its my fault for being a RIP to such a sweet guy who isn't perfect but I'd have to say, "MORE PERFECT than I am!" I love you Cory! GOD, with you ALL things are possible and so please let me know what you have planned. When will I see your beauty from pain! I'm standing in the rain, I'm alone in this fight with myself,,, If I stand, I'll fall down, I want to be found, the only way out is through the pain, I'm not dealing with it! I didn't deal with the pain when I lost Donnie and now I've LOST again! I can't stop crying but I need to be crying out for God to rescue me! Please God hear me cry for you! Help me God!
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