smb's Journal

Oct 2006
3:40 AM MST

letter to CN

LETTER TO CN:

I am sorry for last night! I am sorry I am co-dependent and "try to control you". I wish I could make us LOVE eachother like the kind of love I want and the kind you deserve. but quite frankly I feel like neither of us are giving or getting the love! I don't know why: who and what you are, isn't enough! I guess I feel the need to change you. This makes me feel like we are NOT meant to be together because if I truly loved you, I wouldn't want to change you, right? You are not what I need. I need someone who is lively and passionate about me and someone who follows through with ideas and concerns (of mine). Therefore, I really think we would be better off without eachother. I know we have been saying this for over a month now and I just don't know how much longer we should keep drawing this out. We need serious help or this relationship is DONE! I am tired of you minimizing everything when I bring this stuff up. I don't understand why you are okay with a half-assed relationship! TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT!!! Do you want me (+ the boys) or are we DONE???? I feel like I need to make it work for the boys! I know I will never find a guy like you when it comes to the boys,,, and one who is so "healthy". I love that about you! BUT, honestly, that and the sex isn't enough to hold us together. I want this to be an awesome love where I feel madly deeply, passionately IN LOVE with you (without the sex as the glue)!? DON'T YOU WANT THAT? or do you not care that we have a mediocre relationship??? I feel so desperate but yet so helpless! I am afraid what will happen is we will keep doing this... I bring it up, we talk, nothing happens, nothing changes and we are fine for awhile till I feel the emptiness again, and then it starts all over... HOW LONG do we do this? When do we finally just cut our losses and say GoodBye!? I guess I have to draw the line somewhere... (I know I am not perfect and have things to work on) I am willing to work on it and really give it one last ditch effort but if this (what we are doing right now) happens again, I would say we should be done, because of obvious reasons. Please tell me what you want and what you need and if you want to try to make it work or if you want to be done now. I need to know exactly how you are feeling and we need to make some decisions! I need to talk to you about this before I decide if I am coming over. OKAY! BTW-I will always love you...no matter what happens to us, I will love you as the awesome friend that you have been and I hope will continue to be!

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Username: smb

Gender / Age: Female, 49

Location: USA - Wyoming