smb's Journal

 
    
10
Jan 2007
10:53 AM MST
   

CN Update:::: on New Years day we talked a lot about us and me and my behavior the night before! I guess we finally came to the conclusion that I was having another "I don't want to be tied down" issues! He's such a wonderful, awesome guy who is ALMOST perfect but for some reason I keep getting these "uninterested, wanna do my own thing, don't want to be tied down, need a little space" feelings! Who knows what is going on with me. I guess a lot has to do with still trying to grieve for DB and CN and I got together WAY TOO soon after his death! Also, CN is still being the over- barring, jealous annoying boyfriend. I know that drives me away! BUT- on the other hand, I love his help, he's great with the boys, he tries to please and he just plain loves me! WHAT A GUY! He's sticking with me even though I've been wishy-washy! BUT- I have been nothing but honest with him from the get-go! I feel like he wants what I can't offer!----- A serious relationship with PURE commitment, a marriage and maybe someday a baby of his own! I can't give him any of that and don't know when and if I ever could! I don't want to lose him, I enjoy his help and company and the hanky-panky isn't too bad either. OK, actually, its the best I've ever had! ;) I miss him when he's in Spearfish but yet I kind of enjoy the time to myself too! --------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------- ---------- I told him to see other people to make sure I was worth waiting for and there wasn't someone else out there who would be able to give him what he wants. I bet I kinda said that so I could also see other people! He hasn't taken me up on my offer yet! I kinda want my cake and eat it too but he could also have that if he wanted. I said I will still be here and if he finds someone else then HEY- whatever makes him happy! BUT- I believe he hasn't admitted that he might want to see other people (and we can still see eachother as well) because he doesn't want me to see other people! He's such a jealous freak! I just want him to be happy and I'm not into the Drama! I as for what I want, I don't know, just yet and therefore, I am sorta a basket case but oh well! Like I told him, I just need time and lots of it!
 Add comment
Add Comment:

Add Tags:
To add multiple tags, please separate them with comma ( , )





smb's Profile

  • Username: smb
  • Gender / Age: Female, 49
  • Location: USA - Wyoming
    •