scarlett's Journal

 
    
29
Sep 2007
8:35 AM EDT
   

im so tired. all the time. i wake up ready for bed and i go to sleep hoping that tomorrow never comes. i really hate wishful thinking. hope...is different. we cannot survive without hope. if you are alive, you are hopeful. it's as simple as that. hopeful that things will be better, that tomorrow will be as good as today, that things will stay or change in accordance with your wishes. at least, that's what i think. im still conflicted. do i visit connor or not? it would be really, really expensive. and who knows what will happen when i get there? im confused (surprise surprise). on a happy note: went to cirque le masque last night. i love this school. it may try to kill me but at least it entertains me in the process.

just had a thought. what is a life? i mean, we talk about the past as if it is real. but is it? we have evidence, we have scars and tombstones and legacies and skid marks and coffee grounds on the table. ...so what? we can never experience the past, we can have all the evidence we want that it exists but we can't prove it. maybe all we actualyy have is one single moment. Exactly one tiny fraction of an experience that is constantly changing. because i keep looking back on things that happened two years ago and i remember thinking that today was so far away...but here it is. 40 years from now i will think, in an instant like this one, "where did all the time go? i thought that this day was so long in coming but...here it is." why is that not the same instant? the future is unknown, the past is unreachable and all we have is now. right now. you are always, always right here and right now so why worry about anything else? except the fact that this moment will one day be months or weeks ahead. so maybe planning wouldn't hurt...
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scarlett's Profile

  • Username: scarlett
  • Gender / Age: Female, 35
  • Location: Bahamas
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    SCARLETT's Interests:

    About Me: Bahamian. Boarding School in CT. Davidson College.

    Interests: theatre. bio. books.

    Favorite Music: Anything.

    Favorite Movies: Requiem for a Dream. The Prestige.

    Favorite Television: L Word. The Big Bang Theory. Family Guy. Elfen Lied.

    Favorite Books: Everything.