Not as bad as Char's aunt dying, but....
My mother got a letter from one of the best friends, who lives in the United States. I had mentioned a few times in the past (ie, back when I was young and stupid) that I thought it would be pretty cool to study in the United States. At the time, my parents were against it. They listed all the reasons (for example, the DISTANCE was the big one, but there was also something to do with the way grades are organised there and how�I would have to leave VERY soon, pretty well next year, so that would be a problem... the list was long.) and told me it was unlikely.
However, the kicker is, now that I have STOPPED wanting to go, stopped this ridiculous idea that if I go, my life will be different and better and well "Isn't the US better anyways?", my mother gets a letter from her American friend (who is extremely nice, by the way). She sent along this article about how international students who have the proper marks will get accepted NO MATTER WHAT to certain American colleges. No matter what. As in, no matter the distance or the financial need, if they want you, they will do their utmost to get you. And now, my parents are enthused.
The thing is, I am not. Not as much as I was. I don't want to leave my friends. I have a pretty decent life here, besides the ridiculous trivial things that are bad. Of course, there are problems that run deeper, but for the most part I am semi-content. I guess. The big thing is that I don't want to pick up and leave my piano lessons, my camping group, my friends (especially the ones I don't go to school with), and everything else that I love, that makes me who I am. A year ago, I would have jumped at the opportunity. Now, I feel an incredible amount of pressure to decide--and that's pretty well what I can't do.
There are other things as well. For example, my parents would want me to study to be a doctor or lawyer. Neither of which particularly appeals to me. And what can I say to them? That is what they expect of me. David actually came up to me and said: "If you become a writer, I will never speak to you again." What?! WHAT?! HE IS FREAKING 13 YEARS OLD. He knows NOTHING about wanting something big that you are being pushed away from. He is only saying that because he knows my parents disapprove.
Ugh. Life SUCKS.
Eternal pessimism. I annoy myself. You know it's bad when that happens.
Song suggestion of the day: A Long December, by Counting Crows. Completely and utterly depressing, but very, very pretty.
I am not an idealist. I know things are currently rolling down a hill, and have yet to hit the bottom. I know this for many reasons which I will not list here for the sake of the obscene amount of homework waiting for me.
Until later,
~Annabel
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