mrslibbey's Journal

 
    
02
Mar 2011
7:51 AM
   

my breakup has really been ongoing since john got out of jail. my emotions have been sadness, lethargy, fear. The last time I felt these feelings was when ben's father left me. Wwhat I notice when I compare these two experiencews is that it is all about me. I have unfounded jealousy, I feel like I did something wrong, like ai am not good enough, tooo old. The thing that has been the most difficult for me siince the relationship ended is everygthing. I don't want to clean the house, or even get up in the morning. I am in a bad mood, I miss him. THe thing I think about the most is that I will never see or hear from him again. I feel the pain of this loss most acutely when I am alone. what I miss most is the companionship, the feeling of having a soulmate, anbd not being alone in the world, a kin d of safety. What I don't miss is the fear of breakup, his instabillity, the fear he is lieing, his addiction, catching him in a lie.the thing that I regret the most is continuing to give him money to try to hold on to him.The unforseen benefit of the breakup is that I have a chance to find out why I hold on so hard. If I could take him back rightr now, I would not, because I could never trust him again, the trust is gone, he is too unstabel.The most importa nt thing that I need to tell myself is that I should put one foot in freont of the othger, try to get some things done, don't drink too much
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02
Mar 2011
7:50 AM
   

my breakup has really been ongoing since john got out of jail. my emotions have been sadness, lethargy, fear. The last time I felt these feelings was when ben's father left me. Wwhat I notice when I compare these two experiencews is that it is all about me. I have unfounded jealousy, I feel like I did something wrong, like ai am not good enough, tooo old. The thing that has been the most difficult for me siince the relationship ended is everygthing. I don't want to clean the house, or even get up in the morning. I am in a bad mood, I miss him. THe thing I think about the most is that I will never see or hear from him again. I feel the pain of this loss most acutely when I am alone. what I miss most is the companionship, the feeling of having a soulmate, anbd not being alone in the world, a kin d of safety. What I don't miss is the fear of breakup, his instabillity, the fear he is lieing, his addiction, catching him in a lie.the thing that I regret the most is continuing to give him money to try to hold on to him.The unforseen benefit of the breakup is that I have a chance to find out why I hold on so hard. If I could take him back rightr now, I would not, because I could never trust him again, the trust is gone, he is too unstabel.The most importa nt thing that I need to tell myself is that I should put one foot in freont of the othger, try to get some things done, don't drink too much
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mrslibbey's Profile

  • Username: mrslibbey
  • Gender / Age: Male, 60
  • Location: USA - Vermont
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