motherloverfriend's Journal

Aug 2011
3:09 AM

my reflection

After spending a lifetime doing everything possible to make myself beautiful my idea of beauty has changed. I'm 37, and I enjoyed the attention and fun that came along�with being pretty when I was younger. Then one day I didn't. It no longer seemed�important..The problem with wasting a good portion of your life on being beautiful on the outside and not beautiful on the inside is that suddenly you realize that you're empty. Without investing in your spirit and tending to�matters of the heart & mind,�at the end of the day nothing means anything. You have a man that doesn't know you, because your relationship was visual. All your friendships are very surface, and without depth. Ultimately, all the energy you invested equals zip, and you look in the mirror and you see ugliness anyway. So, it was all for nought. I wasn't even a super model type. I was a pretty girl with low self esteem that could never look good enough.�I was never a "mean girl" but I was an empty girl. A lonely girl. Then an empty and lonely woman. For what? What a complete waste of time and energy. I was cute, and would've had so much more fun, enjoyed life more, had more beautiful relationships and over all been more fulfilled had I not let my low self esteem control me. The low self esteem that was carefully hidden behind a mask of self confidence. I can't count the times I was told that I was "so self confident" or "if I was more confident�like you".�
�Now, �I am learning to feel sexy in my own skin because I'm happier, and my happiness is drawn from the kindness I show, the friend that I am, the way that�I love, and my ability to�give. I don't think my eyes look plain without fake eyelashes.�I've begun to refinish and repurpose furniture. My hands gets paint on them and I don't worry if they are not perfectly manicured. I am more concerned with being creative. It is kind of ironic now that I often look�to find the�most beat up�piece of furniture in the thrift shop. Or put out on a curb. A piece of furniture that somoone no longer loves because it is considered ugly. That is the piece that catches my eye. I look at it and say, "I think you're beautiful. I will love you."�I consider the tree�that�used to be and no longer is to �to build that piece of�furniture. It makes me want it not to be wasted. I want to make it�"feel good" and pretty again. Kinda�sounds funny admiting it.�But, my ideas have changed, and so has where I see beauty.

Tags: beauty

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1 comment(s) - 11:40 AM - 08/06/2011

motherloverfriend's Profile

Username: motherloverfriend

Gender / Age: Female, 49

Location: USA - Nevada