louna's Journal

Oct 2012
12:01 AM GMT

is love anything at all

I often used to think i wanted someone to love me , to pine for me , to want me - but i realised as eventually everyone does , life is not like a film or a fairytale .

I found someone who loved me and thought i loved them but really i didnt i just wanted it so badly i tried to forget what i really felt , i got wrapped up in my own emotions - emotions i forced upon myself ad finally when i realised i wanted to be my own not tied down it was to late.

A few guys have fucked me over and i like to think theyre annoying sad wankers because really that makes me feel better - but in reality theyre not they just did to most resonable thing a guy would do - go for the easy option , i like to think theyre sick twisted men who did what they did just to hurt me but its not true theyre perfectly lovely guys that just made a mistake but i seem to choose to think the worse of them because it makes me seem like the victim which in a way i was but just because someone dosnt love you dosnt automatically make them a twat right ?�

And then i realise i have fucked guys over to and you know what im not a bitch , i did not intend to fuck them over it just happned a colision of events that led to the mess that happened.
So i suppose now those boys will think im a leading on , fake , bitch just as i see those boys that did the same to me as twats.

I find myself comparing myself to my best freind far to much - and then comparing me and her and my life to films ?

For instance perk of being a wallflower�
charlie liked sam but wasnt conifden enough to go for her - the girl he really likes , loved.
so he went for the other loyd annoying girl of whose name i cannot remember ( which shows how much she mattered in all reality ) who went for it , was conifdent , showed she wanted charlie so as any guy would charlie went for it but then realised she was not who he wanted.
She felt as if he fucked her over right ?�
Wrong he didnt he as just confused.

And this is what happens in my life i am the annoying conifdent one who will go for it and be amazed that the guy went for me - when really all he wants is my best friend but is to shy - yes hes too shy - not what i would think an annoying pussy who was using me - no just shy and not ready to go for who he reallty liked.

Also the film me without you -�
two best friends one confident annoying selfish�
one who wants to be liked who is intelligent and amazing�
i am the annoying confident twat and its sad and i want to change but i cant i guess

Tags: oerks of being a wallflower

Add comment

louna's Profile

Username: louna

Gender / Age: Male, 49

Location: United Kingdom