k tiah, i know this fight was among the worst we've ever gotten to. and i know everytime we get into these fights we argue and we dont talk for a couple days, we say a shitload of things out of spite and anger, and then we decide we need to be friends again, and it just happens over and over. well i said a ton of things and i really did mean them at the time, andi still think you're a bitch, but you know you are..not all the time but when you want to be, youre kickass thats for sure... but i cant stand fighting with you because it has a knot in my stomach all fucking hours that we're fighting. all day long i just think about how i lose my best friend over. im not saying i want to be best friends forever or anything ( well i do but its just not going to work out that way for us)..but i just cant fight with you any more because its exhausting and it just makes me feel like shit and i cant concentrate on anything else. not only that.. but it makes me feel worse after i read what you think about me, and think that you actually mean every word of it, when just a few days ago we were best friends and nothing could tear us apart..but now im all of these things, and to be honest i dont know why im all of these things to you! i dont understand the whore thing or anything or how i backstabbed you :( But trust me i dont try to be/do them on purpose and i wish you could understand that. and maybe you do; actually i think you understand that, but you dont care because i seem to hurt you anyways but i dont ever ever ever do it on purpose!!! but really.. it doesnt matter whether i do it intentionally or not, it just happens that i hurt you and you dont like being hurt. but the thing is!! you hurt me too! more than you think or know! but i dont backstab you like you think i do and i dont tell everyone your secrets (except for one that just lauren had to know) and maybe lauren needed to know this too, but if i honestly thought it was that big of a deal, i would have told her myself.. its nice that you could help me out a long the way but it wasnt neccessary.its not like i was keeping it a secret from her because i thgouht alex did something wrong, or that I did something bad.neither of us did, but the way that it was told to both of them, now it seems like i kept this all a secret because i was making it all up orsomething and it makes me look so bad. no one believes a word i say, although everything i told you and lauren and nany one else it was all true.i just didnt think it was big enough to make into this gigantic deal, and i guess im happy that its out in the open, but i forgot about that night to be honest. and im sure alex did too. but whatever thats not the point, the point is that i cant keep fighting with you because it gnaws at me all day! so im not saying we have to be friends, i jus want to end this little war we have going on and i dont want other friends involved. and it might not feel like a little war to you but it feels like a WAR to me! and like im not trying to accuseyou of anything i just cant fight with someone who i care about so much because it makes me feel brutal and seriously, if you care as much as i do you might know what im talking about. like i care about you so much and i hate whenyou areupset and it makes me upset to see you sad.. it actually does. and when you give me advice and help me out with the problems im having, it helps a lot and im really happyyou havebeen with me for breaking up with alex and breaking up with ben and all the other stuff in between and im sorry for bringing up both of them. you have beena huge help but to be honest i think i just needyou a lot more thanyou needs me anymore, and its not fair toyou to have to be there for me all the time and i cant be there for you because you either wont let me or dont want me to be..or i just cant do anything about you. becauseyoudont need anyone because you're all independent and im dependent, becausei cant figure things out on my own because i need other peoples opinions on things and its just my nature and i swear im not making up an excuse but i fit my astrological sign completely and libras just are like that! I NEED opinions because im indescisive and we were doing so well and now things have fallen apart, and niether one of us are motivated to put things back together yet ANOTHER time. I dont know where we stand, and a part of me doesnt even want to find out, but the other part of me and does. i dont know what to do about anything and if this was with any other person i would be asking for help to what to do. but i dont have any other person to talk about this with.. not someone who understands what we do. so what now?
Add comment
