I have lots of strengths, but I also have weaknesses. I'm supposed to explore my dark side, the side i surpress, that I don't let out. I know it's there and I know it takes energy to surpress it but what's the alternative? Anyway here goes.
I think I have the weaknesses of the choleric and the myers briggs type being and INTJ.
I'm intolerant. I don't suffer fools. Stupid pisses me off. Actually stupid people doing stupid stuff doesn't bother me too much, it's intelligent people doing stupid stuff. Especially people who are insecure and have something to prove. Chip on the shoulder types. I'm usually smarter than most people so I can tell they're faking it. Can't tolerate wannabe's. Don't like lazy people, bludgers or people with no initiative.
I really disapprove of fat people, especially when I see them stuffing themselves with junk food, probably because I'm so disciplined in my eating.
I clash with smart arses. Arrogant people who think they're smart. I really bite. I can hold it in for a little while, but then I have to bite and put them back in their box. Like the guy at Fitzroy crossing when I got into an argument about how cats got to Australia. Idiot.
I respect people who are secure, authentic, strong, able to put their arguments intelligently, who say stuff that is thought through. I like it when people can match me, i respect that. Respect with me is earned. I can lose respect for you and it's hard to get it back once I've written you off.
I am argumentative. I will argue a point ad nauseaum. I think I'm pretty much always right. Even if I'm not sure, I'll argue, because I want to see if my point stands up. If you can keep up and go toe to toe with me, then I might see your point, after a while - like in a day or so. Sometimes I'm just stating an opinion or idea, but it sounds to the listener like a statement of fact, so often people don't bother to disagree. I hate backing down. I always justify myself.
Not empathetic. Honestly, I have no idea how other's feel. I can only imagine, but I can't feel it.
I don't talk to my parents or sisters much, like maybe every six months or so. The other day mum rang and I didn't take the call cos I couldn't be bothered... I was tired I think. So I guess that means I'm not that close. I do love them though.
I'm not very emotional... not that I know of. Probably more like I'm emotional but I don't know it. Anyway, I lack the language of emotion and I'm not really in touch. The main emotions I have are contentedness, anxious, impatient, angry, frustration, despair. I never get ecstatic or over-excited about anything.
I can be pretty cold. Like my dad. I can shut down emotionally and go through the motions and operate entirely out of logic. For a fair while. Until I burned out that is.
I express love in terms of loyalty, responsibility, comittment, faithfulness, strength, consistency, protection, and bringing out of potential. Challenge. Inspire. Give vision.
I'm not sensitive. I'm not particularly gentle or patient. I'm impatient and often fairly abrupt - not rude, but sometimes a bit short. When drained, I really don't care about anyone else. I don't give a stuff and I don't feel guilty about that.
I don't like to talk too much and I don't like to listen too much. I get overwhelmed with verbal diahorrea and can't process language that doesn't get to the point quickly. I'm not a great listener. I'd rather find a solution quickly, than go through the torture of listening to the person get it all out when I already think I know where they're going. That means I'm not good at validating other's unless I really concentrate and focus. Regardless, it's draining. I'm thinking about what I'm going to say when the other person's only halfway through talking. I interrupt because I already know what they are going to say.
I am agressive in my approach to life and problems. I'm not often aggressive toward people unless they really really piss me off. Then I bite. I feel a lot of agression usually. That makes me fairly strong and domineering sometimes. I know how to be intimidating, although I resist this usually.
I resist domestication. There is something wild in me that won't be tamed or emasculated. I'm a man. I crave adventure, risk, challenge, the outdoors. But I don't think I'm a chauvinist.
Being an introvert, I max out if I have people in my face all the time and can't cope after a while. I need space, my space, to be alone and process my thoughts and gather my energy. I'm driven toward solitude and other introverts.
I used to hate saying sorry. Mostly because i rarely feel sorry. Even when I've upset someone or hurt someone, I actually rarely feel sorry, so I don't bother going there. I probably see saying sorry as admitting a fault and maybe a bit weak. If I really have blown it, I apologise and move on. This seems to be unsatisfactory because I don't display emotions of regret or empathy for the one who is wronged, so they don't feel like I'm sorry and they feel blown off. That's their problem I guess.
I'm very headstrong, logical (I like to think but doubtful) and can be idealistic and a perfectionist, driven kind of way. Sometimes I'm not realistic. I used to have high standards for myself and others around me. Fortunately this has changed a lot, but I'm still headstrong. That's the thinker.
I have a lousy memory. Maybe it's surpression, but how would I know if I can't remember?
I don't think I'm a good people person one-on-one. I think I'm good with groups and even better with crowds in a leadership capactiy. Otherwise I hate crowds.
I hate acting and putting on a face. I dislike small talk and superficiality. I don't like wearing masks or other's who wear masks. I prefer authenticity, transparency and the genuine. I am a "what you see is what you get" kind of person.
I really don't give a rip what people think of me usually. Although persistently critical people piss me off and I don't have time for them. I always wonder why they don't just bugger off and get a life. I would love to line them up and list all their faults! It's so tempting not to let them have it. I don't though. I don't indulge the luxury. Not in my position anyway. I let wife have it though. I don't say everything I feel because it would be hitting below the belt, but i go pretty close.
I could be a pretty nasty person if the occasion arose. More in a cold calloused way than an overt deliberate way. I don't go out of my way to create confrontation or hurt people, but if someone gave me the finger and overtook me, and then got pulled up by the cops for speeding I'd laugh my head off and give them a cheery wave to rub salt into the wound and feel good for the rest of the day. Even better if they pranged their car. If it was a total wreck I would stop and see what I could do, but if it was just a bit of damage, I'd keep going.
If someone tried to hurt my wife or kids I would kill them or maim them severely and not regret it.
I don't cry, unless God is touching my heart. But I rarely cry with or for others or myself. Maybe last time was Annie's funeral.
Usually because I'm "J" i don't like to "go with the flow" and be flexible, i like to be planned and organised. Burnout has changed that.
I'm not very motivated anymore because of burnout. I can't be pushed, won't be pushed. I'm not really trying to achieve anything except replenishing my strength. I've given all I've got and there's nothing left. So don't expect anything. I'll help if I can, and won't if I can't.
I'm sure there's more but that's all I can think of right now.
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