carots's Journal

 
    
18
Feb 2007
6:28 PM EDT
   



The Hearts Desires

We go about with the same routines every day. Basically repeating the same day each day. We begin to suspect that out lives are planned out, perfectly in order and unchangeable. And yet, a moment in time can change everything. One moment is all it could ever take for our lives to turn completely upside down and in that moment for us to realize that the person that we were trying to be and thought we were isn't what we are. Though we may have been waiting our entire lives for this brief moment of completion we are left somewhat empty at its conclusion. The kiss that we had been yearning and pining for, once gained, becomes a mistake or poor timing and the nostalgia is gone. Instead of a new beginning we are left with sewing up the rips and tears of our already fragmented life. The life we thought we wanted is not possible and not only do we realize that our dream is deadened but all at once we realize that we had no right to dream this dream in the first place. In the process we hurt people, whether unintentionally or otherwise, we change their lives as well. Instead of giving ourselves the thing we always wanted we only end up hurt, scared and alone; even more unsure of ourselves and our place within this world. With one moment full of possibilities and tenderness comes a life time of shame, disillusionment and guilt. Was it worth it? Unfortunatly, yes.
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carots's Profile

  • Username: carots
  • Gender / Age: Female, 36
  • Location: Canada
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