brikingbird's Journal

the Next & last person was My grandpa Murphy. when im feel like i have nobody left to turn to or anyone who will listen. even when im Scared. i talk to My grandpa. Hes the first one i turn to before anybody else. He's the one who has taught me the most. Even though he passed away a month after i was born. everytime i do something i know he is watching..not just him but everyone in my family who has passed away and the creator.Well i think of what he would say if he was alive. i try not to make him any less of proud of me but i have done a lot of stupid things. Like drinking and being dumb as hell. what would he say? what would he say if he was here when i yell at my Mom or be disrespectful to my elders? what am i gonna tell him when i leave this world and he asks me about it or the creator does..or ask "why did you drink" what am i gonna say? what about half the other stuff that i have done? what am i gonna Say? i dont think its worth it anymore doing all that...

(Lucky..3 in 1 Day..things i Need to Get out.!)

Well i found out that im Pregnant. i'm a couple months maybe? im 17 years old, i have no job and the dad is no where in Sight. Well, the whole story...the Dad is My physco Ex..im not gonna Say his Name. but yeah i would rather be alone than to be with them..cuz your not a man if you hit a woman!

well im involved with this guy whos gettin married yeah! i've been with him on and off about four years now. one of those first love kind of things. Yeah hes getting married but he was still with me. Like he told everyone that he was with me..(His wifey is in Cali) i still feel dumb though because hes getting married still! he tells me he loves me all the time. but he tells about 4 other girls that too. hes always been like that. thats why our relationship is off and on. i'd wise up then get dumb again and get back with him knowing what he would end up doing to me again. idk why i did/do it still..i was talking to him today and he told him alot of good things that i wanted to hear. i wonder if he actually means them or if hes just saying that because he know he has to? i never take him seriously althoughi really want to ! i know hes not telling the truth or is he? i never know. he comes to my school and sees me. Calls me all the time. he wants to come over and stuff. and i go stay with him for a couple days. i wish i knew what was really goin on in his head! idk i told him i was pregnant and he started to cry. So what does that tell me? he cant get some anymore or does he really feel sad? he says hes really sad because we always talked about having a baby and now im having one but its not his! idk he said i mean the world to him and he know my ex wont man up and take care of me and tha baby..even tho i dont want him too lol..but he said he would be there for me like he always has been. and hes gonna treat him/her like his own..am i gettin fooled? or he is for real..guys are so confusing..