Pain spoke to me this morning!� On the scale of 0 to 10, it is speaking to me at a low 1. I acknowledged it with a "Hello" and thanked it for reminding me that it here.� This is a normal daily conversation that I have with it.� I know it may sound weird to many that I have personified my pain.� And when I speak of pain, its usually the cramping, the tingling and burning needle prick sensations, swelling, and vasculitis localized from my knee down to my feet. I have been feeling pain daily, and whats even worse is feeling pain hourly somedays for the last 12 years.� Its a normal occurance now.� I cant remember what it actually feels like to BE pain free.� Its foreign to me.� There had been a handful of days when I didnt feel any significant discomfort and I would stop myself and say," where is the pain" like I should be expecting pain but it isnt there. it is possible to live well with pain.� I am living proof of it.� For many the pain can be so gigantically impossible to live with so they resort to pain meds, drugs, alcohol, antidepressant drugs, surgery, or possible suicide to get rid of the pain.� PAIN is EVIL and EVIL is scary to confront!!� And I am confronting EVIL on a daily basis drug free and surgury free� How am I doing it?� With toughness and grace.� I researched about the disease in the internet at its infancy stages and got some effective help from alternative medicine, holistic nutritionists, energy healers, and spiritual counseling from my religion, Scientology.� Its taken me a third of my life to heal myself...but I am not pain free yet.� It is my personal goal to find ways to erradicate pain completely from my body and consciousness.� I am committed to do that this lifetime.� It may sound like an impossible dream but I trust the Universe for its granting and giving powers of optimal health and wellness.� I truly deserve to be pain free and it is certainly my Devine Right to be so.,� In the meantime, I AM LIVING WELL WITH PAIN. When I say toughness and grace, it doesnt mean that I dont cry, feel angry, limp around, feel depressed and suppressed, nor do I dont feel beaten up when I have a flareup.� I do feel all of that and then some...however, I am BEING conscious and aware...and I take lots of deep meditative breaths all day long or as long as I can get to a space and time to apply self care.� And most times, I have to wait several hrs before I can get home to rest and ice my legs.� With all the training and counseling that I received from my church, I have been able to BE present in pain and Be able to exist in pain with acceptance, foregiveness, love, and appreciation.� The thoughts that goes through my mind when I am in pain makes a huge difference in my ability to experience the pain gracefully.� Ive learned to think loving positive thoughts and exercise happy and positive feelings.� And when a bad negative thought or feelings congests my mind and heart, I ignore it or I just "push it away".� Not so easy to do.� Being present in Pain is hard to do.� It takes practice, practice, discipline, love and foregiveness, and toughness. �Give it a try...it might just surprise you. . �
Urgh....I have a severe flareup occuring right now...my legs, ankles, and feet feels like the blow torch is blaring fire on my skin coupled with millions of�needle pricking my already hot skin.� I haven't had this kind of severity in months...wondering what and how this is happening....and what could have triggered this?� Was it the eggs that I had eaten 5 days ago? The sugars that I have eaten over the last 2 weeks?� The recent job loss and break-up from my boyfriend?� I feel so angry at my legs but sympathetic to them at the same time.�Did I ignore their needs and now they are rebelling back at me for my lack of care and attention to them? I am also feeling anxious about how long will it take for my body to heal and recuperate from this flare up because I have a busy and heavy schedule at work next week and I am worried if my body can handle the physical stress of my job as a dental hygienist.� Right now I cannot congest my mind with these thoughts except to let my body rest...and lay down...and ice my hot, hot, red legs.� I cant stand to look at the damage done on my legs by my psychotic auto-immune-antibodies.� I have a large red mass on my inner right leg that is the size of both my hands.� How disgusting...and painful!!!� And embarrassing to be seen limping around the house with my blue ice pack.� Too painful, too embarrassing to be seen in public with this physical flaw.� I decided to take action and BE causative over my pain and disability by journaling my life exerience...living with LUPUS.� I feel I can have a dialogue with my Higher Self/InnerSelf and keep Loving Me no matter what.� I dont know what the outcome will be for blogging my life experiences, but I welcome the Universe for the opportunities and possibilites to Abundance, flourishing & prospering, Wellness.� Good Night. �
Add comment
