Bitchin out @ the world!

Its been 4 days since the arguement..

part of me wants to pack my shit and keep it moving..

part of me..� wants to kill his ass.

the greater part of me misses my best friend and lover..

in the past 4 days apparently alot has happened..

and I mean alot..

lets just say "it was written in the stars"

I have no clue what hes been up to

hes doing what he wants to do..

since none of the things he wants to do has included me at all..

and as of June 8� it will be one month since hes slept in the same bed as me..

it would be on june 3 one month since we have had sex..

it would be as of ..

june 12 the last time hes kissed me..

and yet the pain will last forever..

not communicating is so his style..

he has been communicating with someone apparently who makes him smile...

who makes him happy..

i swear..

ill burn the bitch..

im there..

on the ledge..

my foot extended..

wondering.. if i should just fuckin go off!

It only makes things harder..

he dosent get that when i see him staring at that screen laughing, and smiling all by his damn self.. that my body aches and rage begins.

I used to be the person he preferred to laugh and smile with..

that as my damn smile..�

who stole that smile from me..

i used to also be the person he WANTED�to sleep with..

now he dosent even want to share the same bed..

like i have leprosy...

he preferres sleeping in a recliner.. than sleep with me..

he preferrs to stay up all night at a computer.. talkin to ppl who dont give a fuck if he lives or dies...

people that if he did die.. would be unaffected by his death.

People who dont matter..

it was me and him against the world.. now i feel like its the w.w.w� and he against me..

i cant continue loving somebody who has choosen to totally disreguard me..

those thoughts come back to mind..

those evil thoughts..

i guess i will start finding my own places to go....

my own people to go out with..

someone to make me smile and laugh....

someone to hand out with me..

since aparrently there is no more renee and jon

theres is just I..

all alone..

see how lonely that looks..

I.

all by itself on its own little line..

complete with a period.

because im at the end of my line.

I want to be in love with the person i met in october...

i want to be in love with the person who he was in md during the holidays..

i want to love the person he was when on our days off we went out.. and was excited about spending the time together.

I want to be in love with the man who only HAD eyes for me.

the one who wouldnt fuck, lick,suck, get licked.. blown or kissed by anyone other than me.

But� since thats not looking like its going to happen..

it would be reall great..

to have all those things done to me!