Bitchin out @ the world!

This must be the end..

tears will not stop for anyone..

heart has quit beating.. it just thumps in my chest..

I constantly bent myself to please him..

he constantly made statements..

to further confuse me..

when asked to clarify..

he didnt want to have that conversation..

now here we are.. not having conversations.

the final statement.. was said.. and he speaks the truth..

"I DONT GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU DO..." SAID RUTH..

RUTHLESS.. ABSOLUTELY THE NAME IS TRUE..

WITHOUT SO MUCH AS BATTING AN EYE HE CONVEYED THAT WE.. WERE THRU.

HURT.. SO DEEP IT CUTS MY HEART IN TWO.

by the same man who told me.. 'I wont lie to you.. or hurt you'� and like a dummy i believed him too..

his word once was golden.. if he said he was goind to he did..

i believe every word that came out of his crooked mouth..

until the forked tounge became apparent..

ima do what i want to do reguardless.. he would say.

clearly he did this.. so things would turn out this way.

if not then why..� because i tried to be the best version of me.. for him.

and he kept telling me i wasnt enough to the point where i almost started to believe it..

but then i realized.. that it was he who knew he wasnt near perfect that refused to change..

surival of the fittest will leave a mothafucka dead and alone.. in a cold world thats strange.

im constantly changing to be the best me I can be.. adapting to my enviorment and situation so that i can keep up with the world..

while clearly hes perfect.. because he does what he wants.. and the world passes him by.

Hes a great cop, great soilder.. but horrible boyfriend... because he refuses to share.. his feelings, his life.. and most of all his heart.

i dont like that mushy shit he says.. when its the mushy shit which he has taken to heart.

I like having the comfort of coming home and knowing that one person is not going to bullshit me.. .

that with this person.. its cut and dry.

the same way he was with me.. before the gray area that were emotions that he clearly did not know how to handle came into play.

hed rather have a live in whore.. who cleans up behind him.. than have a girlfriend.. no strings attached and he knows what hes paying for. Apparently i stress him.. clearly he stresses me. But i dont try to avoid all conversations around it for the sake of not having a real conversation..

im single i guess....

my first real investment in a relationship has failed..

im a failure.. but im not alone.

as both of us failed..

apparently we failed eachother..

because apparently i didnt live up to his expectations..

and clearly he wanted no expectations to live up to...

he just wants to live.

so do i..

because right now.. im dying..

in more ways than one.

i loved this man to pieces..

wanted to see him be the best version of himself.. and excel.

he wanted me to be his live in call girl..

bend over and take it every now and then..

totally abandoning my emotional needs..

i hate him..

i hate me more..

because its my fault i let him in..

in my heart..

but he didnt want what i had to offer...

it took me three years to pull myself together last time..