Overstepping Bounds.... In relationships.
You know last night I was beyond heated.. after the news went off about attacks and he decided that he wanted to discuss gun control issues. For the 14th million time... I decided when the conversation was first brought up that I did not want to debate this with him. Partially because I get tired of hearing it.. and secondly he thinks he is all knowing on this subject and I dont think there is much that can bruise his ego. So I told him.. that I didnt want to discuss it.. but he kept going with the subject. Then.. when i decided to state that peeople in attack situations... "do not shoot to kill.. they shoot to disarm.. or stop the attacker" in my mind the killing of the individual that would attack me is just cause and effect. He attacked me.. i shot him.. the dying was just part of it.
So... where did I overstep my bounds.. ?
Well as he brudishly informed me in a very aggressive shout in my direction.. "WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!!!" my jaw dropped... and I blinked. Was I being diciplined like a three year old who goes to touch a fire? All I know from that moment.. the conversation was over. I had asked him.. not to yell at me... previous when he did so in a threatening tone. I left the room.. for fear that Id go into the rage that I am all too familiar with. I didnt want to do anything that Id regret.. and didnt want him to further add to the flames and have him do something stupid.
So.. Im in the room crying... I calm down relatively quick this time..
I go back in the room.. and ask him.. "what part of.. I didnt want to have this conversation did you not respect.. or hear." Two strong minded individuals.. one who could care less on the subject and one who feels he needs to whisper his opinions in everyones ear just so that they would listen. He states that what I am telling him was wrong.. and that he was mad because I was telling him stuff that I couldnt speak on. (What kind of crap is that?) he represents the minority of people that are actually trained to use a gun.. and the even smaller minority of people that have been trained by the military.) I on the other hand.. am the john and jane doe's oout there.. the other 7billion of our population.. yet my opinion is invalid. Even though he solicited it when he wouldnt shut up about the issue. Be careful what you wish for.. isnt that how the adage goes? The fact was though he further made a donkeys ass of himself when he stated that .. I had "overstepped my bounds!?" Im sorry.. what kind of bounds are those? Would that be the bounds of me as a woman.. having an opinion... my bounds as his woman, a card carrying opinionator? Lets think about in the past where this phrase has been made.. being that this is black history month I only fnd this appropriate: Rosa Parks overstepped her bounds when she decided that she would not give up her seat. Martin Luther King overstepped his bounds when he decided that we should all be able to live in harmony (they even shot him for it). Brown.. in Brown Vs Board of education overstepped his bounds when he decided that they should recieve the same education as caucasians. The government overstepped thier bounds when censorship was an issue and gambling was deemed illegal. Its been said that Kanye West overstepped his bounds when he spoke out about how he felt about Bush. What do all these situations have in common... the person who stated that the bounds were overstepped are all the ones who had no business doing what they were doing to begin with. So lets just make it clear here and now.. that In overstepping of bounds.. this would only work in a totalitarianist society. Or maybe when in conversation with a facist... now that I think about it he was definately acting like a facist. I always told him that he doesent know how to talk to people.. he treats people like he is supreme beings and they are idiots. Ive only been on the observation end of this behavior until now... I dont plan on being subject to this behavior if it continues. He told me that I disrespect and hurt his feelings sometimes as well.. which is odd because he never seems to say anything. Then he said.. they are my feelings.. if i dont want to tell you then I wont tell you. I mean.. im no dr. phil.. but I was raised to let the people I love know I love them... and the people that hurt me know that they did so.. and that it will not be tolerated. He hurt me.. cut deep... down to my soul.. he rations out his emotions. Rations out his feelings.. and Im not even privy to how he feels. And even then so... he felt no remorse or empathy for how this effected me. That night I told him why.. i hated people shouting at me. Did he even reassure me that it was okay... or apoligize for his outrageous behavior. No, he stood his pompous ground. I dont know if him bringing me tissues.. or something to drink.. was his way of saying sorry.. i dont even want to analyze that situation. Because I shouldnt have to.. It pains me to think that I ever inflict hurt or create disdain with anyone. But thats the difference between he and I.. I personally feel. Ive been through enough.... and Karma is a B!
All I want to do.. is love him.. and be loved. Why must that be so hard? I work so hard to treat people the way I like to be treated and all they do is piss down my back and then attempt to tell me that its raining... IM NOT BUYING IT!
Simplicity.. I require simplicity... RESPECT and Honesty... wow.. now i sound like Aretha! Its funny how the same people we love for one thing.. are the same people that we hate for others. I hate that he cant identify.. and remotely empathize with what im going through. Its like.. hes looking at me.. like cry.. go ahead cry.. get it out of your system. And if he does.. he has a heck of a way of showing it.. funny that it makes me cry even at work thinkin about this who scene...
I love him.. he hurt me.
But as ol' dude would say on 103jamz... "WHAT PART OF THE GAME IS THAT? "- Otis.
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