I was lost, I had given up, I thought I would always be a mess. Everything was messed up, at 15yrs. old everything meant: school - I was cutting classes and failing, friends - the wilder the better, me - fat, ugly and sluttie, my Mom - an angry, bitter, drunk, my Dad - remarried, too busy to care, too stupid to help, stepMom - too young.
I didn't get there over night, there had to be signs that I was headed that way but no one noticed or certainly if they did no one stopped me.
I did alot of crazy things, and as I think of it now I wonder how I made it safely through that time. One thing that sticks with me as a really stupid decision is the day I let my "friend" rob my father's house as a way to cover up a party that sort of just happened there that day after school.
As I write this I feel really uncomfortable, anxious, choked up, and I don't want to keep going. I've never journaled about this. I don't know how to keep it going.�Maybe I'll just leave it here for now...
Add comment
