As I go forward I have to believe I'm headed in the right direction but today I find myself questioning it. I wonder what my modivations are for what I'm doing.
I want to do good in my life, I want to give good, be a leader, be strong for my family, be commited to�a service, be open to learning and to always see there's room for improvements.
That thinking has me stumped today. I just have all these issues coming up lately that don't seem to just be rolling along nicely. I'm not feeling so successful at the end of the day. Yesterday another "issue" popped up and I felt strongly about it, I cried alittle bit. Than this thought came to me, "How come I seem to have such thin skin lately?"
Oh man, I wish I could just not care. I know people like that - they don't ever question themselves, they just plow right along and let the chips fall where they may. I want to be like that but I worry alot, think too much, and here I am...stumped.
My feelings about Evelyn:
I want to be her friend. I worry about her well being. I don't like saying no to her. I feel bad when she manipulates me. I feel used at times by her.
I want to be her friend.
I worry about her well being.
I don't like saying no to her.
I feel bad when she manipulates me.
I feel used at times by her.
I've asked myself lately, why am I in this with her. Well, it's nearly 4yrs since we met and it is what it is now, no getting out now. So hey, get over it! She's an old woman that has been living her life the way she's seen best and she ain't gonna change for me. I need to�step back and be ok with that. I thought I could make a difference to her but I see now that all she wanted from me is what she could get, can't blame her, she needs help sometimes. I need to just let it be.�
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