Well I emailed brother hoping to get him to talk to me, to stay connected. He's not able to open up, he wrote things I don't really understand. He told me that he's not proud of himself, that if I knew�I would feel that way too. He said he cries easily and doesn't know why.�
I think he's very caught up in his life and it's drama.�Too hard to give me just a catch-up in a few words. Perhaps what�we need is a long conversation but I'm�afraid to know too much. I also think he's got to be ashamed when he thinks of me. He referred to the "grown-ups" that I have to deal with and he's not in that group.�
I fwd. the email to C. thinking that maybe she could help me understand it better. She called me late last night. She told me alot. But as I reflect on the events she shared with me I think not much has changed for them, this is why I said to her that "Life goes on, be part of it".
How depressing their life sounds to me. If I didn't know these people and just heard bits and pieces, observed their actions now and then I'd think "what loosers!"
I'm embarressed to say that, that's my family! What the heck are they doing to themselves? Why are they so retarded that they can't get out of this downward spiral they've been in for�the last couple years?
I almost get why Brother is so distructive to his life but I don't get why C. participates the way she does. The conflict they have due to his ongoing affair has their changed�marriage into a twisted, sick game.�That's what C. says is between them now "a game", where she waits for him to make a move and she reacts to it, period. Bummer, I couldn't live like that and my opinion is that it's very sick for them to live this way.
Any hint that she should direct her attention toward her own life and making it better has her defending the marriage or rather what's left of it. She and he are seeing therapists and that's gotta help - someday. But I didn't hear anything different from almost 3yrs. ago when her and I held marathon phone calls, she'd tell me "and then he did this, and then I did that" it's all the same stuff now, no changes.
How can they stand it??
I told her that she won't be young (she's already 40something) forever and does she want to find herself looking in the mirror one day realizing that she spent her last- however many-years growing old waiting for him to become sane. She pretty much said it's already happened. To him as well, she said that he's really looking bad these days. I don't doubt it, they both smoke and he's been abusing painkillers - that's gonna show on the face over time.
I'm just so alone, my brother was the last of my childhood family and I feel I've lost him - for now anyway.
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