Enigma23's Journal

Today is a interesting morning so far. I'm in Atlanta doing the family thing. I have so much shit going on in my life recently. I broke up with my boyfriend and I met this guy that I can see myself with. I mean I want to be with this guy but I feel he isn't ready for a real commitment. I want to find the whole happily ever after thing with a guy that knows how to treat a woman. I want to find a guy that would pull out chairs and open doors, you know shit you only see in movies. I met a guy like that, I mean he is a total sweetheart. I love him with my whole heart, he is a really wonderful person. The guy I'm talking about right now is my bestfriend. I know that no matter what, he's gonna hold me down and tell me what to do.

I feel that in life you are given only a handful of true friends. You get two - three chances at finding true love. I mean there are some people who found true love at first sight, I respect them and I know how that feels. I was really in love and then he died. I've been in love but I want to find a love that can stand up for all eternity. I want to find the person that can finish my words and know what's wrong without me telling them. Maybe I'm scared to actually look for it, maybe I'm scared to actually fall in love again and have to worry about losing it. I can't go through the thought of losing another person I truly love. I think that's why I broke up with my boyfreiend. I'm scared of broken hearts. I also hate when people play with my emotions. I don't want to play games, I'm ready for the whole kit and kaboodle, I just want to be happy.

Why is it that when people have found someone to love them unconditionally they want to run away from it. Do they feel like they'd lose a part of themselves when they give their heart to this person. Do they worry about loving the person too much and then they leave without a backward glance. Why do you run away from the things that are good for you and run to the things that aren't. I guess it is something that's a hinderance to the person to find true happiness. I'm not sure but I'd ponder it some more and let you know.