Brittany's Journal

May 2007
11:07 AM EDT

This is kinda my coward way out of this situation that I think I have created. I really don't know how to take that conversation the other day on the phone. Icompletely understand the position you are in and I probably did annoy you, matter of fact I know I did. I wish all my circumstances could be different in every way, but they can't so I'll leave it at this. I appreciate everything you did for me, honestly. I'll consider my first day of sobriety as May 4th, I'm not going to rehab, but I havn't used at all, I have thought about drinking, but haven't and don't plan to. Every time I feel the need to use or cut or whatever, I put my kids in front of me and ya know, thats all I need now and I thank God for that now. I'm going to be a better mom than what my mom was for me and I know that now in my heart and I don't need any drink or any drug to help me do so. I think in these past two days I have let so much of the past go and I just realized there is nothing I can do about it any more I have to work towards the future. If my mom wants to be a grandmother to my kids, great, if not, than they will have enough love and support around them, that they will be just fine with or without her. But I kinda realized what you were saying, I can't give all that to my kids if I'm dependent on you or somone else, so I'm sorry. It was just rare that I found someone to talk to so easily. Even though I'm not going to rehab like you wanted, I give you my word I will be clean and six months from May 4th, so that would be, um, November 4th, right after my birthday, I'll give you a buzz and tell ya I'm still good to go. And also I just wanted to point something out to you. You made a comment to me on the phone one time about me just talking to "some social worker from Lourdes", if that's all that you think you are, maybe you should take a little more pride in yourself. And I know you probably don't think it but, yes, I do believe in that "higher power" you were talking about, otherwise, my children wouldn't be here, and I wouldn't be here, he just works in mysterious ways sometimes, doesn't he? HEY! I know you have heard, but ya know, I always have to end with a song, this is my all time favorite song, if you don't have it or haven't listened to it in a while, please do so, it's by the Counting Crows, but Hootie and the Blowfish sings it too, "she talks to angels". That is my song, you have to listen to the lyrics and you'll understand why I like it so much. Again, thanx, for everything, also, my new one, All American Rejects "Move Along", keeps up with current situation.

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Brittany's Profile

Username: Brittany

Gender / Age: Female, 39

Location: USA - Kentucky

BRITTANY's Interests:

About Me: Life sucks ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Deal with it.

Interests: To stop using drugs/alcohol and get my own place and my kids back.

Favorite Music: I like old rock. Live is my favorite band. I love music, music that says something about me or about someone I know. I sometimes, well all the time show what I'm thinking through a song. I would strongly suggest you listen to Keith Urban "stupid boy", Matchbox 20 "Leave", and Keith Urban "Tonight I wanna cry." And you know who I'm talking to asshole!!!!!! Take a hint. And tell Emma I love her. Now for songs for describing myself and different circumstances are Shinedown "45", Shinedown "Save Me", Pink "13 conversations with my 13 yr. old self." Matchbox 20, "shame", and Matchbox 20 "Kody".

Favorite Movies: Fried Green Tomatoes and Cruel Intentions. Home videos of my babies.

Favorite Television: I don't watch too much t.v. I listen to a lot of music. I try to catch the news. But I like that show "Friday night lights" on NBC.

Favorite Books: I don't like to read that much.