Brittany's Journal

May 2007
9:04 AM EDT

Got a new song for ya. It's called "Boston" by Augustana, it's a bad ass song. I want to drink so bad. Everything is getting worse and worse and I feel like there is nothing I can do about it. I just keep pushing it all aside and not dealing with it. That sounds familiar. When I do that though it just fluctuates even more. But nobody can tell when I'm having a bad day. I don't sit there and cry about it like everybody else, what is crying suppose to do about it? This lyric is out of Shinedown "Save me"."Someone save me , if you will, someone take away all these pills." " I can hardly remember the look in my own eyes." "Please just save me if you can, from my wasteland." I'm going to make it through all this with little or no help, either way I have no more options. I've been court ordered to go to re-hab. Not exactly how I would like to go, but everything happens for a reason. Theres no one around anymore. I get fucked up and screw everything up with in a matter of a day. Alcohol is the worst for me. I get so mean and careless and I just drink more and more. I got kicked out of a friends house and the night before I drank a six pack of beer to start, took some whiskey shots (by the way I never drink whiskey, EVER!!!) Drank a 5th of rum b/c my friend din't want it. I was definetly wasted at that point I started at 2 p.m. and din't stop till around midnight. I had another half a case of beer and drank more than half a pint of whiskey, all on top of what I already had. But I didn't get a hang over. Once I started drinking so much, the hang overs just didn't happen anymore , it's like I was used to it. That's fucking pathetic. I and a guy I was seeing got caught screwing out in my friends, uncle's driveway. But hell, they were driving us around, so I guess, at the time it was cool. Until her dad realized what we were doing. OOPS! I'll beat everything , i have to. I took a bunch of zanaxs last week, nobody figured that out though. And I said I would never admit it to even myself, but I've been doing herion on and off for a while. I said for the longest time that I would never do that and when I did I kept it a huge secret. Nobody knows about that. I don't leave "trail marks" on my arm, I've done it in my foot before, the viens are easier to see also. But I couldn't take the risk of someone seeing the track marks on my arm. Nobody could ever know. I denied it to everyone and still do. I even denie it to myself sometimes and have been.. But if I'm going to get help it's gotta start here and now and I think I'm ready.

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Brittany's Profile

Username: Brittany

Gender / Age: Female, 39

Location: USA - Kentucky

BRITTANY's Interests:

About Me: Life sucks ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Deal with it.

Interests: To stop using drugs/alcohol and get my own place and my kids back.

Favorite Music: I like old rock. Live is my favorite band. I love music, music that says something about me or about someone I know. I sometimes, well all the time show what I'm thinking through a song. I would strongly suggest you listen to Keith Urban "stupid boy", Matchbox 20 "Leave", and Keith Urban "Tonight I wanna cry." And you know who I'm talking to asshole!!!!!! Take a hint. And tell Emma I love her. Now for songs for describing myself and different circumstances are Shinedown "45", Shinedown "Save Me", Pink "13 conversations with my 13 yr. old self." Matchbox 20, "shame", and Matchbox 20 "Kody".

Favorite Movies: Fried Green Tomatoes and Cruel Intentions. Home videos of my babies.

Favorite Television: I don't watch too much t.v. I listen to a lot of music. I try to catch the news. But I like that show "Friday night lights" on NBC.

Favorite Books: I don't like to read that much.