sahuoy's Journal

Nov 2012
8:48 PM

At this time of year, after Thanksgiving has passed, the college has many less students for one reason or the other and while it is sad to know so many have fallen to the side, I can't help but be thankful for the peace and quiet to study. Soon, my first semester of college will be done. Thinking of buying a small cake to celebrate then or wait and do it after the spring semester is done, a one year mark to feast on. Makes me happy to have finally accomplished some college credits. Hope to get at least an Associates Degree but right now I have to get back to studying math, exam in the morning. ;D

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Nov 2012
9:35 AM CST

It is amazing just how many guys at the mens shelter I feel a deja vu as I've crossed paths with them at some point but not recalling exactly where, my memory is good but not that good as people for the most part are more a nuisance than anything else being self absorbed in their personal entertainment and what you can do for them. In retaliation I play the same game but can't take too much before coming close to vomitting and changing course.

I really miss being home in what was my efficiency. Loved the bath tub, tv, recliner, kitchen. Don't miss the neighbors noise, the extreme summer heat causing sleepless nights and slow, tiring days. Miss my car. The cocktail of drugs prescribed and taken by me for almost four years put me on a path of destruction aside from being a quiet zombie. Down to three drugs now feeling much better thanks to a new doctor but have thirty pounds to lose, quit smoking and diabetes, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure to control, hoping the weight loss with exercise and no smoking will correct all problems. Still have heart, chest pains, both actually but not doing the nitro glycerin thing. It's a quality of life matter for me. I don't want to live just for the sake of being alive. Life must have purpose to protect one from a slow death.

Other ailments, arthritis, lack of comprehension. Need more invigorating interests. Would like a wife and children to love, share and raise. Want to pray more, go to church, do a sprinkler design career through college. Hopeful and need to write more entries into this journal and finish part one or English Assignment 3 today. Parts 4 and 5 to follow. ;D

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Sep 2012
3:56 AM CST

Had a good dream about mom, we were in church, I doing the altar boy with Father Bates which erupted into a picket of some kind outside that was quickly changing into a riot. Mom and I left and walking down a sidewalk looking left, noticed at the end of a driveway next to a house, dad, holding something. Looking closer, saw that it was a shotgun, then suddenly mom appears next to him also holding a shotgun, both pointing at a hornets nest. Dad once told me about some hornets that had stung him in the top of his head, sounded bad and I think it hurt because by the way he'd recalled the story, whewee. All of a sudden, they both fired the shotguns, both running into the garage screaming as they were being chased. Then my sister Terri appears and I ask, shouldn't we go get em and she replies, I'd leave em in there as if to suggest they knew or know what they're wanting to do. It was good to see mom and dad having fun together. Reminds me of the earlier days when I was 5 or 10 years old and both mom and dad smiled and laughed much more than in my teen and adult years. Made me feel good to see them having a good time, which I know they did through the first 20 years or so but after leaving home I'd lost track but do recall when I did speak to mom or dad they were usually ok but not as happy as they had once been. This whole dream thing may have started with eating a PB Twix and sipping a pepsi or an extension of thoughts as they are my chosen subject for a Gender Analysis Essay I'm writing for ENG 106, maybe both but the dream was good and fun for everyone. Miss you mom and dad, made me laugh. ;D

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4 comment(s) - 09:33 PM - 09/26/2012

Sep 2012
4:32 PM CST

College is my entertainment. Shooting for Honors Society. Requires 3.5 Average GPA with atleast 12 credit hours of degree study. Math at high B. English, Religion unknown. 2 hours post Religion class and no home work done. Struggling with English Gender Essay. Must have atleast 3 pages by 12 tomorrow for the Writing Lab to review. Doing math HW now.

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3 comment(s) - 09:20 PM - 09/26/2012

Aug 2012
5:01 PM CST

� � � �3 hours since English class has ended and no studying done. Disappointed with myself as I have a tendency to sit here eating, combing the internet, obviously in search of satisfying interests, climbing out of the study box for a break, staying abreast of events or lack of transpiring as I pursue personal goals. I will try to make a daily entry at an opportune time which will provide a track or record of school, my life and events, guide, shape and evolve me into whatever it is I am going to be. I truly wish I had followed this path when I was 18 but the glitz, glamour and gold of cash in hand, new experiences and adventures for a young and hungry pirate was I guess too tempting. I knew better but opted to roll the dice and here I am now, none the less wiser but very thankful to have another chance. As for retirement, concerned as I could and should be packing away funds but also not so overly concerned, I want my degree, Phi Betta Kapp and planning for the best end result.

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2 comment(s) - 09:22 PM - 09/26/2012

Aug 2012
6:00 PM CST

FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS HOCUS POCUS.... Out of math class seven hours now and have studied very little. Simply love the atmosphere of college, sitting here or there, watching the world evolve. Special note - Saw a cardinal bird moving about the pines near the water fall in the center of campus - a good sign. Peaceful, feeling at least this once as though I'm beginning to get a handle on life as I've always wanted a college degree. Bought two Parkland cups after they went to the warehouse and brought more up. One for here and one for Times Center. Snagged a couple of slices of left over Papa John' pizza with garlic sauce, cool. Finding miscellaneous pennies dropped here and there where ever but mostly in the cafeteria where I tend to spend most of my time. Focus, math, english, be ready for monday. I love it. God help me I do love it so. Must speak with an advisor about career fields. A felony gums things up when laws and policies are changing so anyone with such is discouraged or not allowed to work in particular fields such as health care, schools, etc. but am curious about mitigating circumstances and whether each �person is gauged on a case by case basis. Would like to do either, enjoy people, want to help others, not sure how but am hopeful this will play out favorably but must be careful of not wasting time on something that would be difficult for me to become employed in or overcome in general. Don't waste time. Hoping for a great career that will provide me with the income to fund retirement but also take advantage of the $5,000 boost allowed for persons my age, need it now. Need to apply to te' shirt'.

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2 comment(s) - 09:23 PM - 09/26/2012

Aug 2012
10:45 AM CST

Where is the future... Many of the career paths I look at have changed policy over the last ten years by not allowing or hiring anyone with a criminal record, a felony, in this instance. The worst thing to do would be spending two years in pursuit of something I'm not wanted in, though may be able to be hired, would constantly keep me on the bubble as a drain on resources, risk, undesirable, etc. Most people when learning of a felony act as though it happened just this morning, to them, in shock, they quickly dismiss any further discussion ending any prospects. Finding those who will pursue the matter further to fairly discern the matter are few but always possible.

Love the birds here as they come within a foot or two in search of crumbs, easy, ready made meals. A lot of fun to watch where ever you find them with their side kicks, the squirrels.

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3 comment(s) - 09:24 PM - 09/26/2012

Aug 2012
7:02 PM CST

Classes done the studying begins. A guy on the MTD bus hit me on the side of my head with his flip finger and after he exited when pulling away he holds up his middle finger while pressing that hand against his face. Shocked, I have no idea why he did it. Had to juggle math class as the one I was enrolled in started 09/10 and not today. So my new math 095 is M,W,F@9-10:50, English is M,W@12-2:00 and Religion is T,Th@1-2:30.

Ruffled the feathers of an advisor as by the time I was called in, the math class had already began. Being short not sweet, I explained she needed to phone billing, have the hold temporarily lifted so a class schedule enrollment and change could be done. Not understanding though being kind, she querried the office while doing the usual busy bee bull crap knife juggling session wasting my time while burning up patience the deed was done, apologetically, I thanked her efforts and shot over to math a half hour late. No more coffee mugs in the bookstore, had my chance to buy one last week, hope they get more in though a UofI or Bard College would be cool if I get into the Odyssey humanities class on UofI campus. Way cool. Most everyone gone, much more quiet, time to study.

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1 comment(s) - 09:25 PM - 09/26/2012

Aug 2012
7:01 PM CST

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1 comment(s) - 09:25 PM - 09/26/2012

Aug 2012
6:19 PM CST

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1 comment(s) - 09:25 PM - 09/26/2012

Aug 2012
4:34 PM CST

When eating a bowl of red roasted peppers with gouda, one must not merely take a dabble to taste but do dip a slice of baguette and only then bite and enjoy. I tasted a spoonful of gouda, at first disappointed but completely changed my opinion after heating and eating with bread. Good Stuff.�

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1 comment(s) - 09:26 PM - 09/26/2012

Aug 2012
4:09 PM CST

Now cold and wet from nicotine addiction the chill of drying out fades with a hot bowl of roasted red with smoked gouda soup and earl grey tea. It appears my interest in writing ignites given the time to do so through this blog. Amused as glad having geared some focus of humanities classes, a priority and mainstay of writing, in my education hopeful benefits will be reaped for scholarly works, lol, from all studies.

Since mom passed away a year ago, one and a half years after dad and three years since the bypass, Metoprolol induced, zombification of my being I'm finally getting some feeling back into my life and iiving. This go around of picking up the pieces after the explosion has not come easy, especially not having anyone for comfort and support. I really would like to have and keep and grow old with a girl of my dreams. A sucker for the younger models, lol, as the older ones seem to demonstrably broadcast their core intentions, I would still truly love to have a family to raise and grow old though how this dream fits with Gods' Will of my life serving him, a very imortant priority, reshapes my life. Missing you mom and dad, always thankful and greatful, it was adventurous fun I now see most only get one chance, the first chance on the go around. Thank You for everything. You were there and even though some of those times were horrible as next to impossible, thank you.

Recalling dad and I riding along for a drop off as he played out his day helping me. Greatful for the memories dad. I miss you a lot. Go Cubs!!! Unless playing the Cardinals. Mom, gosh it makes me so angry to recall my wanting to take dad with Bryan to a Cub game. Just a one time three generations, guys thing to do. All the ranting, angry pestilence saying no, no way. I wish you had let us go. We needed that.. I needed that. You didn't understand but with you ruling the nest and my being treated as dad was was more than I could tolerate and had to leave going far enough away to remain mostly clear of that lifestyle. I wonder if you ever truly knew or even cared to know who I really was. I know you did to a point but not far enough for me to make peace with you. I wish we could have done more but also thankful for what we have. Metamorphisis, shedding the black cloud of pessimisms. The rebirth begins....

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1 comment(s) - 09:26 PM - 09/26/2012

Aug 2012
3:19 PM CST

I love the rain and it is happily, darkly overcast, almost like a twilight, that the storm front rages through. More often than not, rainstorms get to the west side of Champaign city limits only to divide or veer around leaving the city thirsty with discontent. Not having a camera phone makes for lost moments of some beautiful down pours from the rooftops into the gutters, cascading across the patios' concaved clay bricks. Just like a shot looking down most any Parisian side street filled with cafes. A high priorty when deciding upon a place to live. Great place to relax, focus, fine tune perspective.

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1 comment(s) - 09:26 PM - 09/26/2012

Aug 2012
2:49 PM CST

Scatter-brained... In spite of many interests and having fun of their pursuit I must whittle this spontaneous agenda down to a manageable few. Most having little reward or purpose other than fun of the hunt do keep me entertained. Chasing girls is an expensive and can be time consuming art depending on the one fancied. Not an option. Focus. Focus. Focus. Look into the future, konnekt the dots, produce prosperity. Education is paramount. Education is the only weapon with which one can slay the evils and champion the goods of the world. Fingers crossed. Handbook, the holy bible, in hand.

I have a knack of inadvertantly looking at other people no matter where I go for sake of I guess not having someone with me to share the experiences. While not interested in things gay, I seem to attract the attentions of some guys which in turn results in them constantly looking at me. This is not my intent. Just being myself with no sexual innuendo's implied as I prefer and do get more females though most all the observations and vibes seem to indicate monetary and or materialistic gains which doesn't even register on my scaled spectrum of finding happiness, love, peace, joy.

I want the real life, not this man made, selfish destructive choice of self preservation many seem to never let go of forsake of chancing and losing gambles made. Retuning ones moral, ethical compass is an individual act not a priority of american social culture burns hot churning the economy by catering to the indivual materialistic possessions. Though one or many need substinence, squeezing by tax, fees and penalties after the law has been changed but not made publicly known causes many to suffer at the whims of politicians, the true root of evil causing many problems.

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1 comment(s) - 09:27 PM - 09/26/2012

Aug 2012
2:24 PM CST

Finished fall enrollement at Parkland College. English, Math and Philosophy. Chancing a monday switch in English from a 12p to a 10a class to shorten my day. Allowing more time for study and work. Have most everything needed minus a few bits n pieces. 30 years since last time in school. Three classes is one less than full time but I must be cautious starting now leaving enough latitude to make the honor roll, Phi Betta Kappa and Dean's List.

That's my goal. intend on staying at Parkland all day doing homework which is the reason for setting hour breaks between classes for study. Have rented a lock for the semester. Need to add some drinks, noodles and what not to sustain me all day. Trekking to the gas station or grocery store is just interruption and wasted time if I can accomplish the same by stocking supplies. Will be very happy to get some focus and more purpose when school starts monday. Now, being 48 and not 18, I don't have the standard 40 years in front of me for the work force and so am trying to discern the best options which will accelerate my career choice with higher pay and other benefits to bridge this current gap of no income and retirement.

I just cashed out my last bit of stock, took a bath with Bank Of America, have a few hundred dollars in the bank which is helpful but far, far from enough to forever retire, travel, etc. Am cultivating several ideas with school including energy-lock and a tri-colored indicator for doors to aid during a fire escape so those existing do not waste time attempting to escape through a door already locked which cannot be determined until a person attempts to use the door. Critical loss of time. Also, designing air intakes for hybrid cars which would spin blades attached to a generator which would recharge batteries while driving. Not sure how practical but I did win a pair of boots for the idea and would like to pursue it further.

Dislike when inconsiderates pass through your space. This time at Pekara, some one used the microwave, removing their stuff, knocks the glass plate off its center not replacing it., pigs, left for the next self serving customer. Don't like picking up after kids unless they are my own. Truly dislike raising other people's kids. Some people should be sterilized but how do you forecast the ill-willed future without treading on opportunity to do the right thing. Did I really type what I just thought? I did but don't sterilize for minor infractions, thinking more of the Jeffery Dahmer, serial rapist and other miscreants of society.

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1 comment(s) - 09:27 PM - 09/26/2012

Aug 2012
3:45 AM CST

Difficult to get in deeper thought about many things such as school, career, putting everything into perspective, keeping all in focus so balance can be maintained. Most of my entire life has been spent on sure fire instantaneous gut response. This is not easy especially doing so for many first times as I have little history of anything other than this type of behavior.

Lovin some Kenny G, End Of The Night, timeless. Makes me think of loving my woman. Absolutely beautiful.

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1 comment(s) - 09:27 PM - 09/26/2012

Aug 2012
7:28 AM CST

Sitting at West Side Park copying cd's into iTunes. Had a 45 minute walk with Sidney, a level 2 resident at Times Center. Nice guy, having similar backgrounds we pair up well and have like interests including age group. He has lived most of his life in or around Danville, just finished 5 years in prison for making meth, on disability, claims to be crazy, most people seem content not to test him.

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1 comment(s) - 09:28 PM - 09/26/2012

Aug 2012
11:53 AM CST

At West Side Park copying cd's again with Sidney. Beautiful day, overcast, cool, sparse clouds high above. I love it. Sids conversation is mentally stimulating, keeps me on my toes.

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1 comment(s) - 09:28 PM - 09/26/2012

Aug 2012
7:52 PM CST

Have set up energy-lock.com on FB. Have a new google phone number for business. Website pending while using buildingperformanceexcellence.com. Guy comes into cafe, nice enough, appears to be possibly passively flirting in a very discreet way, perhaps, maybe not. Not into the gay thing or things, accepting of most everyone but can't tolerate the sissy scene when gay guys are doing their drama routine. Made some significant progress with the energy business. Must exercise and pump oxygen into my brain, still performing far below satisfaction, expectation or competence. I hate heart disease and some of the drugs used to treat it. Follow doctors orders quitting smoking, losing weight, exercise and diet.

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1 comment(s) - 09:28 PM - 09/26/2012

Aug 2012
5:43 PM CST

I like the attention from the females at Pekara and the neighboring businesses of Aroma Cafe, The Blind Pig and two others. Can't help but notice being checked out and the perks given. A great place to relax, at least until the late afternoon crowd which draws the dayshift and of course the youthful beligerance, arrogance and drunken groups. Amusing if kept in check but always tapping on the door of public entertainment for everyones distaste or amusement depending on the view of the individuals.

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1 comment(s) - 09:29 PM - 09/26/2012

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sahuoy's Profile

Username: sahuoy

Gender / Age: Male, 60

Location: USA - Illinois

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SAHUOY's Interests:

About Me: I like myself and am stubborn enough to go my own way.

Interests: True stories, discovery, investigative and some fiction.

Favorite Music: TV is mostly junk, reruns, misinformation, spin, politics, too much Hollywood: admit it now everything is not that good but they say it is to keep the show going. Tell this to Pavlov next time his bodyless dog salivates when the bell rings. When interested, Formula 1, Survivor, TDC, TLC, History, Military, Olympics, some news.

Favorite Television: Louis LaMour is one of the greatest story writers. Pure adventure in the American West home range. If only other books could be written with the same passion, interests and flare for adventure. Dictionary, Art Of War, Sherlock Holmes, Lost Moon and many, many others.

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